Dec. 1, 2014 7:58am (In Class)

Dear...well...ya know,
Okay so yay for American History. I haven't the slightest idea what's been talked about b/c I can't stand to pay attention. Soo yeah. Sorry Mr. Laws, just can't do it .-. So I'm gonna be writing here as much as possible. I'll look up at the power point every now & then and partially sleep when he plays a video. He goes through like the whole PPT and then plays like 6 videos. Yay... but anyways. I really hope I can convince my father and his girlfriend to get me a new phone. The bad part is... if I get on my mothers plan, my t-mobile phone won't hardly be any good. It'll be back to the 2G slow speed that I hate so much now. I feel like my phone wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the battery. So yeah. Yes! Only 2 weeks left of this class. Which is 4 classes(: So ready to be done with it. Umm... I really need to write on my blog. I'll try to do that tonight. I have at least 4 I'm pretty sure. Hm... I keep losing them. Which isn't a good thing. Hey! The Cotton Gin was made by Eli Whitney. I remember that because of his last name. Hm... I wonder what it would be like to create something big like that, then be reincarnated and see it and be like... I completely understand that. I wonder if people are with math. Maybe they were once mathematicians/teachers or something like that. Blah, I don't like how light this pencil is and due to the way I'm writing, it's making my hand hurt. I'm not doing it on purpose, just happening. Blah blah blah the south. I'm sleepy and I live in the south. "The president has very few powers" is what my teacher said. I wonder if there is some search/data base thing that whenever "The President of the United States" gets put online, it its searched to make sure it's nothing bad. Hm... That'd be a cool job. Just reading what people say about the past, present, and future presidents. Ugh, my wrist hurts. Umm... I'm sleepy. I wrote a 2 1/2 page paper and read 78 pages last night and didn't sleep until 2:45ish .Well... I finished more like 2:00 buuut I was clearing off bugs away from my bed and then I was on Pinterest looking up blacklight tattoos. I want one. My best friend and I are getting matching tattoos but idk what or where. I think we should get something small behind our ear: Left ear. Maybe music notes, treble clef, or a treble & bass cleft making a heart. Hm... I also kinda want the Leo galaxy thing I seen. Its like a little group of stars and dots in various positions represented by your zodiac sign. Time for a video! Time for sleep. 7 mins & 7 secs of sleep (watches/sleeps) Okay. So I need to e-mail UNCG about something sooo I'm done writing. Bye(:

~Whitney(:

11/20/14 10:20pm

Dear Me,
Okay soooo... yeah. I don't even really know what I wanna write about, just feel like writing. Um... its been a while. Like I feel like you've missed so much of my life lately just cause I haven't wrote anything. Well... I've been busy with band stuff. Yes! Band! I go to most practices and still like every football game (home & away) and all the competitions (he needed me for props)(I moved trees and help build the duckblind) and so its like I was part of it(: Well... kinda. That's the part that makes me slightly sad. I help with as much as I can but I'm not like... recognized as any authoritive figure & I have to rely on others to find out stuff & even though I've been there through pretty much everything except band/guard camp, I don't get a bar ( the thing you get after a letter for a letterman jacket). But, at the same time, I probably wouldn't want someone like me getting those things if I was in band & someone else was in my place. So yeah... it's really not all that important I suppose. Anyways, there is still a chance I'll get to guard through because Crotts (my band director) is more than likely doing winter band(: And it's all after school so I wont be missing anything. Even if I was, I could catch up. Amber said she's prolly gonna make me co-captain but I want to see if I can convince her to just let me be captain. I'll use the whole... it's my last year and it'll look really good on my transcript and such for college thing. Which is true buuuut... I really just wanna be a captain that way I could like... actually fix things dealing with set and posture and all that good stuff. So yeah. I need to like... bring home a flag & rifle or something and get back in the swing of things. I'm really excited(: Only thing I don't like is how many people want to tryout. I'm not sure if we're really bad orrrr everyone else just doesn't realize how hard it is. ANYWAYS. Blah. I was supposed to wash clothes & do my hair and yeah. Anyways. I'm gonna go now. Cause it's late. The next letter I will try to write about my relationship and college/future. Goodnight to the all and none who read the words I write.

11/19/14 8:04am Wednesday

Dear me,
Okay. Well. I'm back in school. Monday I just didn't feel like coming to first period then yesterday I just didn't want to come to school at all. I was really hoping not to have school today or at least a 2 hour delay. So yeah. It's really cold outside. It's like 17 degrees F annnnd yeah. I'm also fairly sleepy. Great. I just got assigned another reflection paper. I can handle this one MUCH better than I can that stupid one in Intro. to Soc. I'm so ready for these classes to be over. Sooo very much. Ugh. I really need to wake up. I'm really sleepy. Sleep would be amazing. And I feel sick to my stomach. No Bun In The Oven :o SLAVES. Yeah. They didn't wanna go back & it spread quickly through the south. Idek what I'm talking about. Yay. I only have class one day in each class next week. I got a $56,000 scholarship... It's to Lenior-Rhyne... And that's not even half. It's about $120,000 for all 4 years. So... yeah that helped me decide to NO. It's a nice oppurtunity but... I'm just not feeling it. Oh well. Anyways, I need to go. Maybe. I'll write later...bye!

~Whitney Ravit

11/16/14 Sunday 1:27pm

Dear Me,
Hey there. It's been a while since I've really had a chance to write. I've spent all my time doing band things or at Averie's (which is where I am now). He's outside helping his dad with putting up Christmas stuff. I may try to go homa a bit sooner than usual. I'm not home much anymore. I don't really like being at home, but I feel like I should spend more time there. Idk. Anyways. I would type this on my blog buuut I'm not for a few reasons: 1) I have other letters I need to post first. 2) I would have to type on my Chromebook & I don't want Yadkin County Schools seeing my blog and thinking I need to see the guidance counselor or something. and 3) I don't feel like typing. Soooo yeah! Oh. My. Goodness! Guess What!?! I got into..... The University of North Carolina @ Greensboro. Yaaaaaayyyy! So excited :D I'm probably going to be a Spartan next year :D I say probably b/c I'm not 100% sure I'm gonna go there next year buuuut I might. So yeah. Anyways. That's all for now. I may write more but I doubt it dx

~Whitney<3

10/22/14 8:03am (In Class)

To whom it may concern,
I really need to start writing this on my blog more, well.., technically I could since I'm in class and I ahve my handy dandy chrome book. Totally... <-- Did I spell that right? Oh well, I supposed it doesn't matter since no one reads any of this anyways. What's it matter even if everyone in the world read every single word I've ever written for the purpose of this boring, pathetic, and unimportant website I call a blog about my life? I haven't wrote hardly any happy in my life lately so really this whole thing is (mostly) biased towards the sad points in my life. Bleh. Sorry for my ranting. I'm not sure why some of my anger is coming out in the words I'm writing here. I don't really get angry. I guess I do a lot but I can't even control it when it bottles it up on its own. Yeah. Bad, I know, but like I said before: what's it matter? I can write/type what I want, when I want to.. right? Psht, who I have I even been talking to this whole time? Only on person really knows about this but we all know he doesn't look here anymore. I'm glad I didn't tell certain people about this because I feel like they would have used it against me. If this got to people at school... NO. I don't know why I do this stupid thing or posting this online. I guess so I don't lose it. I'm debating on if I want another journal. I suppose I really don't need one for the times I decide to randomly write like this or when I write online. Hm... I may do that. I could keep it with me and hide it in various places annnnnd yeah. Well... I suppose I should go and at least somewhat pay attention to whatever is we are doing in class. American History... yay... Bleh. Alrighty then well bye to the none and to the many who read the words I write.

10/02/14 8:39am (In Class)

Dear me,
So... I'm writing this on paper. Okay well... there's a lot I haven't said lately. I'll do part of it now then prolly more when I type this up. Okay so... remember the Christopher who wrote me a song and went to an academy? Well... we "dated." Yeah... stupid me went through yet another long distance relationship. Great. Things were wonderful at first... but then his phone broke. (Wow... just realized today would have been out 2 months). So there were days we didn't talk at all. It sucked. Well,,,we had plans of him coming for Christmas. It would have been his first Christmas cause his parentals didn't care about that. I was gonna buy him a tattoo, jacket, give him a ring, my grandma was making him a hat, and just... yeah. Well... he also sent me presents. And I opened them when I got home from school. Then that's when I broke down and started crying.... he got me a promise ring, Something I have wanted from every guy I have ever been with and HE got me one... the thing that gets me is that I only talked about it like once. It was...I can't... I didn't know how to deal with it. I was so close to going back to... you know. Wait... maybe you don't. I stopped painting with silver. There. Now. Okay so yeah. Anyways, he kept trying to get me to throw the ring away because he prayed over it that him and I would be together so he needed me to throw it away so he can move on. I told him I threw it away but I really didn't. I just couldn't make myself do it. I don't think I will ever be able to do that. I'll keep it with me for a while and eventually put it up. Anyways, he also got me a necklace from Kingdom Hearts and also from an Anime called Fairytale a necklace that the guy & girl wears and they like... go into each other. So...yeah. It was really pretty. I gave Angel the little blue heart and I kept the part the heart goes into. So...yeah. Umm... oh. He says we cant be friends because he needs to focus on school and all this. Oh and he was also already moved on by that night. So... yeah. I'm still gonna message him every now and then. So... yeah. Well class is almost over so I need to go. I may write more later or just type this up.
Thanks For Reading.

Self-Letter 10/15/14 8:25a.m

Dear me,
Blah. Okay so I've realized I've missed a lot of school for various reasons. 3 Fridays have been because of community service, 3 days was camp dixie, 1 day was the Dixie Classic fair, 1 day was the Renassaince (however its spelled) fair, and 1 day just because I didn't feel like going. So yeah, 8 days I feel like I'm leaving something out though.. hmmm... idk dx Anyways, "In 1793, Eli Whitney created the Cotton Gin" sorry, I'm in American History I. I really want to take part 2 of this class b/c I really don't like history for the most part. Ugh, idk where we go for Ram Time/ Rough Time soooo yeeeeah. Great. But yeah. The Renaissance Festival was really cool ^_^ I really wanna go back and dress up like a fairy xD Averie doesn't know it yet but he's really dressing up and going too xD I told him but I believe he thinks I'm joking... I'm not xD I'm excited though. This time next year I'll be able to go out and get in places I never could beeeeecccccaaaauuuuusssseee I'll be 18 ^_^ Yay ^_^ I actually haven't had this big want to be 18 til recently. Especially for reasons as..... my friends and I need things to do on weekends. I really hate that I'm gonna be the last one to turn 18 -_- And it wouldn't be that big of a deal except that I don't turn 18 til 7 MONTHS after everyone. Angel's bf= October, Angel= December, Averie= Janruary, Me= August. Like WTF =_= Anyways, I'm gonna go to maybe pay attention to class.... ha thats funny. Anyways, yeeeeeeeeeeeeah

~Whitney 

In Class Writing (On Paper) 10/06/14 7:58a.m

Okay so... well... yeah. With Averie now... um... yeah. Just don't question it. Okay I didnt mean to make it sound that bad. Cause it's not a bad thing, it's actually a really good thing. Especially since he's here with me unlike the others. So yeah that's a plus. And I can't see him cheating on me in anyway. Only thing is that he may be a little TOO clingy. Yes, I like clingy. Yes, I like that he looks forward to seeing me. No, I dont like it when he gets in his sad moods just because I'm not staying the night with him. Oh, yeeeeeeah... So I've spent the night a few times. First night was on September 19th and I remember that because (hekissedme) I gave blood that day and I was really sleepy. So yeah. Then I've stayed 2 Thursdays, 1 Friday, and 2 Saturdays. Anyways, so yeah. I think I'll go home Thursday, stay with Angel Friday, take the S.A.T again Saturday, then go home after I'm done. Just so he's not fully clingy. I thought I was gonna smother to death while we were sleeping cause I was purposely pushing myself towards the other wall and even rolled away and he was still pushing against me and laying on my back -.- And I'm just like "ahh I don't want to be touched at the moment ._." Well I didnt really say that but I was thinking it. Oh and at one point I was sleepy and we were laying there and wouldn't stop "kissing" me. And I say "kissing" cause it wasn't kissing, it was just him putting his lips on mine & I wasnt doing it back. Those 2 things are my only....complaints? Is that what it'd be called? Im not sure, oh well. If it gets too bad or continues too much, I'll say something about it. So yeah. I really don't want to hurt him though cause then he'll think he's doing something wrong with us and blah, blah, blah. Ya know.. Geesh. I really don't mean to sound so heartless and cruel. I really do care about him. More than just as a friend. I mean... put it like this... he was my first after my first.....yeah.... ANYWAYS! Oh yeah, him and I started officially going out on October 4th. And we were joking around that it was to celebrate that percussion got 1st on Saturday. Actually, we got 1st overall in our class. Which is great considering we only got a 4th overall last week at Ledford. This was at North Iredel I believe. But yeah... Guard isn't doing so good this year. There's an 8th grader and the other 5 h=only have a year under them .-. So yay... I really hope the 4 will be great their senior year. It's cold outside but I'm getting kinda warm at the moment. Oh I'm in class right now by the way. Like... I've been trying to figure out where I want to go. I have to print my fee waivers for UNCG and Western Carolina. Then I also have to send my new S.A.T scores after I take it Saturday then get my scores back. Oh and I'm sending my transcript to UNCG in the mail today. So the only thing left will be my money and scores. Well... technically they have my 1500 score sooo yeah. I just want to know if I can get in really. I've done the applications for UNCG, Western, Lenoir-Rhyne, and North Carolina Central University (NCCU). So yeah. Averie says he's going to follow me no matter where I go. We may all try to get an apartment together. Me, Averie, Angel, and Gabriel. That would be really cool ^_^ Especially if this goes as far as Averie thinks it is. Okay well I'm gonna go. Write Again Later ^_^

Update with the Details!

Okay... soo.... yeah its been a while! So here is the main topics im gonna talk about:

• Ricky
• Christopher
• Court
• Seniorness

Court:

         Alright.. Geesh I dont think I ever even wrote about why I had court. Sooo.. I got a car. Well.. it started acting weird (something to do with the transmission) and so I was driving my moms car. Well... I drove it to school one day and they had the drug dogs come to school. They got a hit on my moms car and so they had to search it. Welp.. They found marijuana roaches and a beer in her car. Soo... since I was driving the car, they had to charge me with it. Which also means I got suspended from school for a week and that got me soooo behind its not even funny. Like.. I was catching up til the very last day of school. Okay, anyways, so I had court on May 20th, which was 8 days ago. My mom wants to get a lawyer (dont understand why since it was hers and not mine) so she made me continue it til July 8th. Sooo yeah. There's that bit of info for my readers!

Christopher

            Okay(: So this is a happier thing to talk about ^.^ I made a new friend whose name is (obviously) Christopher! He lives/lived in North Carolina and so its not all that far from me. Well the reason for the lives/lived is because since I've known him, hes moved to an academy/school that's in... Kentucky I think. But I wanna talk about him for a few reasons(: He is like.. a new inspiration for me because of all the things hes been through and he still manages to stay so positive about everything. I haven't been through nearly as much and im usually really negative about most of it. I cant hardly ever make something painful be positive. Just.. doesn't really work for me. Another thing.. I've kinda been wanting to get into anime but haven't ever really had a push, until now(: The first one I have watched all the way through is Clannad and its all thanks to Christopher! Clannad is so wonderful!!! I love love love love it!! Ahhh it was a roller coaster of emotions tho, that's for sure! Haha, if you ever watch it.. Christopher is Tomoya and I am Nagisa apparently xD Haha so yeah(: Um.. oh yeah! And another thing that made me want to talk about Christopher. Well we all know how indecisive I am about things and so I still don't know what I want to go into and here I am in my senior year of high school...so what Christopher has said is that.. When he finishes the academy, I can move in with him in his apartment[: And he said his dad will be paying for the bills and everything then I can start helping out with it all once I get a job and so then hopefully it will be near a good college and I can try to figure out what I want to be. So yeah(: Um.. I havent fully decided on if Im moving in with him yet sooo... yeah. Well thats all I really have on Christopher right now. 

Ricky:

          Okay so now to Ricky. Well Idk if I've really talked about him by name a lot but.. Ricky is the guy ive been with.. hint hint.. Sooo yeah. Well we've had some major ups and downs with us. Between him and being together then him being with his gf right after we were together and him cheating (although he denies it) and just a bunch of b.s. Sooo yeah. Well... he was here late that night after I had court and he spent the night and then he went to court with my mom the next day (said he was gonna walk home) but then it was too hot so he decided to come back with her. Well...she left and I was here with him and Kamari (my little cousin) and we all took a nap. Kamari in his moms room and me and Ricky on the couch. I got up and cleaned then later on him and I went to my room and we slept more and watched movies and such and soo yeah. Well later that night/morning we were upstairs watching tv and he was like "if you really wanna try this again then I do too" so... with a lot of thought... I said alright... But now.. Im not so sure I still wanna be with him honestly. Like... it just doesnt seem to be working that much like I need it to. Like.. him communicating and talking to me and seeing me the way he is (or isnt I should say) isnt how I need a relationship. I feel like its just... not working with us in all honesty. Idk.. I'm gonna talk to him about it maybe or just come out and say.. hey this isn't working and im done. I know that sounds mean but if you knew exactly everything he's put me through.. trust me.. you probably wouldnt even be talking to him.. soo.. yeah.. I mean... technically he's my bf but for how much longer, idk.....

Seniorness:

I'M FINALLY A SENIOR!!!!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!! CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!

Haha okay sorry about that xD Umm.. but yeah(: Thats all I really have to say about all that. I just... Idk what else to really say. Im looking for a job so I can get my car fixed and all that and just... ready to move on. Oh wait! Next year I have to college classes at the Early College 1st period. On Mondays and Wednesdays ill have either American History 1 or Introduction to Sociology then on Tuesdays and Thursdays ill have whatever class I dont have on Mondays and Wednesdays. Which meeeeaanns... I wont have a 1st period on Fridays which hopefully means ill get to come in late to school Fridays ^.^ Which is great by me! I'd love not to have be up that early on Friday(: Sooo yeah. Well thats all I really have to say soo... ttyl! :D 

Just some pics

These are all just a bunch of random pics I wanted to post d:

My pre-cal Monster xD

My next tattoo :D

My car .-.

My favorite set of sticks from persuasion :3

Release

It's a release. She swears that's all it is. All it has ever been. Ending things it not her intention. Every line or quick flick of the wrist is just releasing it all from inside her. She paints with silver but it comes out red. Nothing deep, just enough to release it slowly. Not enough to leave behind evidence. How long..? Too long really. 3 years she believes. Maybe this is the 4th year.

2014 SkillsUSA State Conference PIcs

Another Free Writing... Kinda Of

Why is she so incredible and amazingly... stupid. Why hasn't someone came and stopped and told her to just.. put it down. Never answer again... ignore the world as it calls to her. The world just.. it keeps... she falls. Every time. She was stronger this time. She is stronger every time but just being stronger isn't good enough. She has to be STRONG. Not stongER. Or when she gives in she loses all strength and becomes so weak under the touch of this one. This one has power over her she just doesnt understand. She knows it is wrong in so many ways but it... just takes her over. She should have listened to her other, to her mind, but.. she went with her lonely and broken heart that is barely beating... it needs love. It needs affection. It needs to know the one is out there for just her. Her and only her and that the one isn't gonna just leave her like everyone else in her life has. One stays but... he hurts almost just as much. Distance. Painfully Honest. So small in communication. Not being good enough. So many people so much better than her for him. He knows it... He admits he doesnt know why he stays. He should leave. He needs to leave. He wants to leave. She is being selfish by making him stay but.... She shouldnt ever let him go. He doesnt ever need to leave. She needs him more than anything to stay. He is herself. She see's her in him in ways she believes others see herself. So confusing and yet so perfectly clear.

Well...

Um...so... Last time I talked about Anthony....it was about my feelings clearing up. Well the same night I said the L word....Ricky texted me and...things got mumbled up. So nao Anthony and I arnt the same....he doesn't want me to say that I love him anymore. Guess that also means he doesn't feel the same...so...yeah...well...I also decided I'm not doing Marching Band Next Year. I wouldn't be able to handle the Band, Job, College Class, Internship, and Regular Classes. So yeah... I don't want to give it up at all but..I couldn't handle doing it all :/ I hate that but yeah...um..I'm gonna get some sleep cause I have to give blood tomorrow. So yeah...well bye

Well

Well...I'm just sitting in my living room at home. I still don't have a phone d: but I'm using the iPhone to type this up on. Umm....I just had amazingly yummy hot chocolate :3 it was sooo good!(: umm...my feelings for Anthony have gotten more clear, but...idk. I think it's still too early to tell. I'm just gonna let things keep going how they are and if something changes, then so be it I guess. Well...Tuesday we left school at 9:00ish cause of snow and we didn't have it anymore those 3 days...so yeah d: I just rememberd the brochure thing I got in Chemistry right before we left. So yeah d: umm....I don't really have anything to say nao. This semester is going okaii. Except for Pre-Cal d: but that is to be expected d: So yeah...ummm....idk what else to say. I'm really liking Chemistry..Percussion is odd but that's just cause Crotts makes me nervous. Idk why he does, he just does. I guess just cause it's him .-. Um...yeah...so I guess that's really all. I may try to do some free writing later. So Byers to the none who read my words(:

Sorry...

So I know it's been awhile since I wrote but it doesn't matter cause no one reads this anyways d: But as I've said before, I really don't mind that no one does, this is more for me than anyone else(: So yeah...umm....my phone is currently turned off. My mom gave me her iPhone(can't activate it because she found it and the person reported it lost/stolen) but it holds all my songs(yay!) and all the apps I've tried to download so far(: so yeah that makes me happy ^_^ ummm....there's this guy...and...I can't decide yet if my feelings are really..real for him. I know that I like him, but...I'm still honestly kinda questioning anything more. I'm just gonna have to give it some time. Idk if he is someone I wanna end up with...like...marriage and all that d: Guess I'll just find d: Anyways, it's 3:41 and I have school tomorrow so I'll try to write as so as I can...well...as soon as I remember!!(: Byers

~Whitney 

New Years...

Well... Happy New Years everyone. I hope 2014 is a great year for you all.

So far, it's not been any different. I know its only been 2 1/2 hours into it but.. I'm just feeling alone. Really alone. It's been a while since i've cried from just feeling alone. This is yet another year where I sit and watch the ball drop alone. Not even with family. But... I kinda like it that way. Sometimes. And yet I feel like I wouldnt if I actually knew what it was like to watch it with someone I actually cared for. I hate that I pictured this whole future thing with Ricky. Cause I think that really messed with me. What happened is really starting to get to me. The mistakes I made. I was there not once but twice. And even asked for a 3rd time. That was tonight. I didnt want it to go as far as it had the past two times but I guess I just wanted to know that someone was wanting to spend that one night with me...this one special night that only happens once that is celebrated. The first day of an entire year...the start of a new person for a lot of people. I wish I knew what was going to come in this new year. And it doesnt really help that my best friend now has someone that she see's herself being with and it lasting. Like.. marriage lasting. It's crazy. I remember when I thought I had that. Ha! Lies. Not really lies... just thoughts. Misunderstandings. Hurt....pain.... I feel so lost and alone right now. I need something to.... help. Idk what to do. Lost, confused. Ugh... I dont know how to say whats going through my mind. Just... pain..hurt...alone...confused. I need someone. Its not even someone to talk to. Its honestly just a hug. A lasting hug. Being held. That's all I need... to know someone out there really cares about what happens to me and what I actually do and how I actually feel. I wish someone would be able to tell what Im really feeling and me not have to tell them. To know when to try to make me laugh or when to just hold me. Anyways... I dont see it happening anytime soon. So idk what im gonna do about Prom cause I have to go now that I convinced Angel's bf to go. So yeah... I guess that's all. I may do a free writing thing.. idk yet. Ill decide in a bit. But like I said, Happy New Year Everyone. Hope you have the best year.

I cant

Idk what to do.. Im dying.. My heart is leaving. Im alone. I just... I cant breathe. Im ready to escape. I want to leave here so bad. More than anything get away. Just someone please rip this beating thing out my chest to end all my suffering so I can float away peacefully. I dont know what to do. Nothing helps anymore. I just... I need a way out.

Breaking..

I cant do it.. its all breaking away. I feel it all just slowly breaking inside with every second that passes by.. everything going through my mind.. Whats her name? Has he kissed her yet? Has he said he loved her? As it slowly kills me inside as I read a few simple words. Dying slowly alone. Not in his arms how everyone to, I'd rather be alone. Less pain to die alone.

Free Writing 3

So I haven't done this in a while so I guess I will just kinda...go for it...


Flashing lights everywhere fill the room as she looks outside her tower window. Silence. Nothing more than the face of the boy she loved. She believed he loved he too. More than anything else but he broke not only her heart but also her body into a million pieces. Now she throws her self at anyone who will love her the way she loved him. She loved him. He left her there to be alone when he knew that she needed him more than anything else. That's what the clouds spoke of as the lost girl wonders aimlessly through the woods just trying to get away from everything she knew. It was all a lie. Those lies that were spoken from her and the words of those she trusted. She trust what they said. What anyone said. She was so innocent. Innocence. Means everything and yet it means nothing. Nothing more than a prize. 1st place is what everyone wants. They need it. Everyone can taste that first place prize. Drives people to do crazy things. Crazy crazy things. Sky diving into a pool full of wonderful beings as they all stare at you descending from what they all thought was a limited sky. And here you come...proving them all wrong. Each and every one...except.. for the little boy. The little boy who had vast dreams to fly above that limited sky. He was gonna be the one to show not only can you come from the sky but you can go into it. Older he climbs into the sky until suddenly....he bursts from the water and emerges onto a land that people believed was only fairy tale. This fairy tale of magical wonders. It was all true! He was the first to see that everything that each and every person of his land told him was nothing but a myth. He spoke the language of the strange creatures. He explored the land. Found a young girl.....The young girl had finally found the one she was hoping to find. She believe she could truly love someone again. But sadly.. on the night they were to be together forever... a demon knocks at her door and down goes the man she loved...forever. He's gone. Never coming back. The demon takes her hand and says how much he has missed her voice and her love and that he needs it to be just his again. She does nothing. Doesnt make a sound. Doesnt move. It's all a dream..no..a nightmare. Darkness fills the sky as the demon stares into her eyes. She is blank. Lost. Lost inside herself. She doesnt ever want to leave because no pain can be found here. It if just a numb feeling. Nothing can be felt. Not even happiness can be felt through the hardshell that she has created to block every hint of emotions...

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I really like this. I know I haven't really expressed feelings about my religion or anything like that but I really like how this is expressed(:

Free Writing..

Love? Really? Does it even exist in ways that everyone describes. She sits there alone dreaming of love between her and the boy. Ah that boy. That boy has changed her entire world all though he has no idea on what he means to her. He doesn’t understand what she means to him. She dreams of a lasting love. She dreams of the cloud picking her up and taking her away into his arms. Arms that would do nothing but show her unconditional love. Absorbing everything he has to offer her. She needs to know that everything will be okay with him. She jumps up high into the sky, flying like theres no ending. She finds her way into space, way above the skies… Lose away from him.. He leaves her.. Just floating there. Lost and confused. She doesnt know what to do as then tears come flowing steadily down her cheeks. He doesn’t see the pain her causes her. The pain thats as unbearable as the one before him who lives thousands of miles away. Things are never the same. She can’t handle it. The Blade. Sharp. Heals the pain one cut at a time. Now will he notice? Will anyone notice? The answer is always the same: No. No one see’s what is really there. They see the fake smiles. But no one can see through to her. No one can see the pain that she is so desperately wanting to be heard. She needs help. Help! Help! Help! Her soul is screaming to be helped. But her shell that protects the soul is so calm and collected. No one, no one at all can see past it. She wishes she could find the one that can read her mind. The one who can tell something is wrong when the slightest thing is upsetting her. She needs her soulmate. She’s so afraid that he’s just going to slip away from her…

Free Writing...

So.. we learned this thing in English class. And it turns out I have basically been doing it all along. It like.. writing without any kind of grammar or punctuation required. You can say whatever you want, how you want to say it. I love it. Only thing is that.. sometimes when we do that, theres things in my mind that no one else needs to know.. no matter how I put it. Like.. I just finished one and I'll post it in a sec.. there are some pretty obvious parts that if I wrote that and turned it in, I would prolly be sent to guidence or something. So yeah. Well here is the one I wrote in class today: 


Many people are surrounding..they see her but don’t really see inside her mind. Her mind is full of everything she’s ever done to hurt the child. The child. So innocent with vibrant black hair. She sits there with her lollipop waiting for her grandpa to take her fishing. That was her favorite activity. Watching the fish swim around in the dirty yet clear water. She goes swimming in the water with her uncle and little cousin. The uncle is a firefighter from Illinois. Illinois… The amazing drummer lives there that knows more secrets about her than anyone else could ever imagine. He knows it all. Drumming in a band of his creation. Visiting for prom. Dresses. Going bowling takes her mind off things. Things that only need to stay within her mind. Things that can’t escape onto the canvas of the world because the materials needed have not yet been created. They are all but her vast imagination. But it is not imagination, for it is the world she see’s. The sun rises in the distance but it is nothing but darkness she see’s for all eternity. The darkness engulfs all those around her for she is alone in a big world full of others who feel the same as she. She knows nothing to make up for the things in her past. Her past is full of everything. Everything.. The beach. The water so blue and green. The fish you see in the waves as they crash down. Swimming out far enough to find a mystical cave to change into a mermaid. The mermaids welcome her as one of their own. She feels alright now. Everything is grand for… nothing is ever the same. She shoots from the water into the sky where she gains wings to fly. Flying like a bird so high where a plane she approaches. She goes right thro the plane and becomes a passenger of life once again. She lands in Italy where he waits for her. She finds him and a life they live so happily. The life she always dreamed of.. comes to an end when he must leave and never returns. Things disappear from her reach…

It ends where it does because I didn't have time to finish it, she called time before I could finish the sentence.

Yeah...

Too many times...

Ugh..

Great.. I feel like I keep getting blown off by the two guys I like -.- I like one more than the other as I said on here but yeah. Still. My point is that they bother me -.- Ugh.. gosh.. Idk what to do d: Ya know, giving someone this website is a way of showing them I trust them. This has some of my deepest thoughts on it. Things I couldn't ever admit to someone in person, or even really through text. Drives me insane sometimes. It's just who I am. I think about sooo many things then I won't say not a single thing that comes to mind. But when someone actually asks me what I'm thinking, my mind goes blank. I don't understand. I don't get myself. I just... don't know who I am. I know who I WANT to be... kind of... but I don't know how to get there. Right now, I am one of those people that has to be told what's wrong with me and things I do wrong so I can fix it. I can't handle compliments. It just... no. Compliments to me, are bad. I can comfort and give compliments all day long through texts, but I dont even know where to begin when it comes to helping someone in person or where they can hear my voice. See, take this thing I just wrote.. see how it changed topics so easily? I started off with talking about guys to comforting people in person/where they can hear me. It just... I don't know. I don't think everyone is like this. I just.. don't get it... Things don't make sense to me. Im always that one person different... either im the ONLY one that doesn't get it or im the ONLY one that does. Like.. it just.. doesn't connect with me. I need something.. anything.. to keep my mind straight. They just..don't work. Oh well.......

Hm..

In with a bullet..... out with hearts...

Song and Pictures

I really love this song and the pictures in it....

Oh gosh d:

Okay..well.. 
I have no idea what the last thing I've talked about was. It's been close to 2 months since I've posted anything... whoops d: Ummmm.....
Color Guard is going okay. Not really sure if I wanna do it next year though. 
I am Secretary for SkillsUSA and I am thinking about running for Regional officer..which means I have to talk in front of over 200 and some people d: Yikes d: 
I went to Camp Dixie for Skills... greatest trip I've been on. Got in a canoe, played Skiiball? (however its spelled), raced go-karts, had section meetings (I was yellow, section D )Gosh it was so much fun. I woke up this morning feeling like (Gosh... I wish I was waking up to go to the lake and my section meetings) 
School is going okay.. not my grade in Spanish 3, thats for sure d: It's so freakin bad its not even funny. Like.. it's the worst I've ever done in Spanish -.- I think its cause Im back with Mrs. Taylor teaching d: Umm... Oh yeah! School duuuh... My Schedule is:

First Semester
1st- US History Honors
2nd- Spanish 3
3rd- English 3 Honors
4th- Band
Second Semester
1st- Pre-Cal
2nd- Spanish 4
3rd- Personal Finanace (gonna change hopefully)
4th- Chemistry Honors

So yeah.. I had to do a lot of changing for it d: But it still works(: 

Ummm..... I'm not with Silver anymore d: Im gonna be honest, I did like him, but things weren't gonna work cause I felt like I wasn't ever gonna see him and especially with me being busy with band. But now I'm having other guy issues with Emmanuel (known him since May) and Christopher(known since... August?) They are opposites but their opposites are things I like... make sense? Gosh.. I just.. idk... as of know, I feel like things would work better with Emmanuel and I...Idk why but I just do. I feel like things would last longer and be better in general with us. I kinda feel like he understands me more. I think about him a lot more to be honest. I could see things going places with him. I really could. And I don't mean the way I seen things with Bryan.. Bryan was more or less just a way to try and convince myself that it wasn't all my fault why things ended with Sergio. I needed some kind of healing and Bryan was it. But back to my point, I see things really going with Emmanuel.. like... after high school and if he doesn't go to college, then at least following me to where ever I go, or waiting for me.. then agian.. Ive heard the whole "I'll wait for you" thing before. But yeah. 

I did get my license but I haven't got to drive by myself yet. 1) my mom won't let me and 2) I dont have a car -.- So yeah.. great right? No -.-


Well that's all I'm gonna post about for now.. I promise to try and update as soon as I can d: And more often as well. So yeah... thats all for now(: 


~Whitney~

Things Are Changing...

Well..special thanks to Jamesiie for reminding me to write on here :D So thanks hot stuff :D

Well I feel like things are changing around here. My mom is gonna be going more of her trips. She was in jail for 2 weeks from July26-Aug 9. So and now she is going to Texas for whatever reason til Friday. I'm really enjoying color guard :D So I hope things keep improving there(: I'll be happy once I get my license and don't have to really depend on people to get me places. That will make my life and other people's lives so much easier. Im supposed to get them in like.. 2 weeks and I havent drove hardly at all d: I really need to do that d: But my mom is gonna be gone until Friday.. and then the week after that, school starts d: Great -.- Oh well I guess. Also, I think everyone has forgotten my birthday, even my mom d: She hasn't asked me anything about it like she normally does and just.. Bleh d:

Oh well... umm... school is starting soon and I know I have at least one class that I wanted. Art.. and my old Art teacher is there and she is my favorite :D So yeah. And obviously I'm gonna have band, Ill have about 16 hours a week of it. Cause of class everyday then practice every Tuesday and Thursday. Then thats not counting the football games and competitions we go to. So yeah.. fun fun. We wont perform anymore when play-offs start.

So yeaah.. umm... anything else.... oh yeah... Whitney has a boyfwend(: His name is Silvestre (Silver) and I really like him[: He's really sweet and amazing(: He lives like 30 mins from me though :/ I'm worried its gonna feel like a long distance thing again d: He says once school starts he is gonna come see me as much as possible. I sure hope so cause I can't do the distance thing again /.\ Yeah... But I really hope things work out with this. Umm..... I have open house this Thursday and also a band practice as well. Soo yeah. I also have to babysit my little cousin when my mom isnt here d:

Anyways, thats all I really have to talk about.. oh wait!! One more thing!! Remember my bestest friend Jamesiie? Well he has a band now :D Here is there facebook link:

Havenway's Facebook :D

Make sure you go like it :D And check it out for updates :D I have a feeling they are gonna be great :D Psht, of course they will be with Jamesiie as the drummer ;D

Alright, now thats really all. I'll try to up-... ahh! one more thing!! My cousin and I are doing a YouTube channel about stupid things. We can't update til she is here and she hasnt been here in a while d: So here is the link to that YouTube channel:

ConnectMeToTheStupid YouTube Channel :D

Ill try to update here as soon as I can.. and possibly try to do a Bideo soon :D It is looong overdue for one. Okay.. well goodbye world :D Remember to smile :D

*sigh*

I want someone to sing the same song as me..

I want to hear this on my wedding day..

All the time..

I'd lose sleep to you anytime..

Love this song..

But I'm not everything he needs so it doesn't matter..

Its always been my happiness when ur happy..