11/19/14 8:04am Wednesday

Dear me,
Okay. Well. I'm back in school. Monday I just didn't feel like coming to first period then yesterday I just didn't want to come to school at all. I was really hoping not to have school today or at least a 2 hour delay. So yeah. It's really cold outside. It's like 17 degrees F annnnd yeah. I'm also fairly sleepy. Great. I just got assigned another reflection paper. I can handle this one MUCH better than I can that stupid one in Intro. to Soc. I'm so ready for these classes to be over. Sooo very much. Ugh. I really need to wake up. I'm really sleepy. Sleep would be amazing. And I feel sick to my stomach. No Bun In The Oven :o SLAVES. Yeah. They didn't wanna go back & it spread quickly through the south. Idek what I'm talking about. Yay. I only have class one day in each class next week. I got a $56,000 scholarship... It's to Lenior-Rhyne... And that's not even half. It's about $120,000 for all 4 years. So... yeah that helped me decide to NO. It's a nice oppurtunity but... I'm just not feeling it. Oh well. Anyways, I need to go. Maybe. I'll write later...bye!

~Whitney Ravit

11/16/14 Sunday 1:27pm

Dear Me,
Hey there. It's been a while since I've really had a chance to write. I've spent all my time doing band things or at Averie's (which is where I am now). He's outside helping his dad with putting up Christmas stuff. I may try to go homa a bit sooner than usual. I'm not home much anymore. I don't really like being at home, but I feel like I should spend more time there. Idk. Anyways. I would type this on my blog buuut I'm not for a few reasons: 1) I have other letters I need to post first. 2) I would have to type on my Chromebook & I don't want Yadkin County Schools seeing my blog and thinking I need to see the guidance counselor or something. and 3) I don't feel like typing. Soooo yeah! Oh. My. Goodness! Guess What!?! I got into..... The University of North Carolina @ Greensboro. Yaaaaaayyyy! So excited :D I'm probably going to be a Spartan next year :D I say probably b/c I'm not 100% sure I'm gonna go there next year buuuut I might. So yeah. Anyways. That's all for now. I may write more but I doubt it dx

~Whitney<3

10/22/14 8:03am (In Class)

To whom it may concern,
I really need to start writing this on my blog more, well.., technically I could since I'm in class and I ahve my handy dandy chrome book. Totally... <-- Did I spell that right? Oh well, I supposed it doesn't matter since no one reads any of this anyways. What's it matter even if everyone in the world read every single word I've ever written for the purpose of this boring, pathetic, and unimportant website I call a blog about my life? I haven't wrote hardly any happy in my life lately so really this whole thing is (mostly) biased towards the sad points in my life. Bleh. Sorry for my ranting. I'm not sure why some of my anger is coming out in the words I'm writing here. I don't really get angry. I guess I do a lot but I can't even control it when it bottles it up on its own. Yeah. Bad, I know, but like I said before: what's it matter? I can write/type what I want, when I want to.. right? Psht, who I have I even been talking to this whole time? Only on person really knows about this but we all know he doesn't look here anymore. I'm glad I didn't tell certain people about this because I feel like they would have used it against me. If this got to people at school... NO. I don't know why I do this stupid thing or posting this online. I guess so I don't lose it. I'm debating on if I want another journal. I suppose I really don't need one for the times I decide to randomly write like this or when I write online. Hm... I may do that. I could keep it with me and hide it in various places annnnnd yeah. Well... I suppose I should go and at least somewhat pay attention to whatever is we are doing in class. American History... yay... Bleh. Alrighty then well bye to the none and to the many who read the words I write.

10/02/14 8:39am (In Class)

Dear me,
So... I'm writing this on paper. Okay well... there's a lot I haven't said lately. I'll do part of it now then prolly more when I type this up. Okay so... remember the Christopher who wrote me a song and went to an academy? Well... we "dated." Yeah... stupid me went through yet another long distance relationship. Great. Things were wonderful at first... but then his phone broke. (Wow... just realized today would have been out 2 months). So there were days we didn't talk at all. It sucked. Well,,,we had plans of him coming for Christmas. It would have been his first Christmas cause his parentals didn't care about that. I was gonna buy him a tattoo, jacket, give him a ring, my grandma was making him a hat, and just... yeah. Well... he also sent me presents. And I opened them when I got home from school. Then that's when I broke down and started crying.... he got me a promise ring, Something I have wanted from every guy I have ever been with and HE got me one... the thing that gets me is that I only talked about it like once. It was...I can't... I didn't know how to deal with it. I was so close to going back to... you know. Wait... maybe you don't. I stopped painting with silver. There. Now. Okay so yeah. Anyways, he kept trying to get me to throw the ring away because he prayed over it that him and I would be together so he needed me to throw it away so he can move on. I told him I threw it away but I really didn't. I just couldn't make myself do it. I don't think I will ever be able to do that. I'll keep it with me for a while and eventually put it up. Anyways, he also got me a necklace from Kingdom Hearts and also from an Anime called Fairytale a necklace that the guy & girl wears and they like... go into each other. So...yeah. It was really pretty. I gave Angel the little blue heart and I kept the part the heart goes into. So...yeah. Umm... oh. He says we cant be friends because he needs to focus on school and all this. Oh and he was also already moved on by that night. So... yeah. I'm still gonna message him every now and then. So... yeah. Well class is almost over so I need to go. I may write more later or just type this up.
Thanks For Reading.

Self-Letter 10/15/14 8:25a.m

Dear me,
Blah. Okay so I've realized I've missed a lot of school for various reasons. 3 Fridays have been because of community service, 3 days was camp dixie, 1 day was the Dixie Classic fair, 1 day was the Renassaince (however its spelled) fair, and 1 day just because I didn't feel like going. So yeah, 8 days I feel like I'm leaving something out though.. hmmm... idk dx Anyways, "In 1793, Eli Whitney created the Cotton Gin" sorry, I'm in American History I. I really want to take part 2 of this class b/c I really don't like history for the most part. Ugh, idk where we go for Ram Time/ Rough Time soooo yeeeeah. Great. But yeah. The Renaissance Festival was really cool ^_^ I really wanna go back and dress up like a fairy xD Averie doesn't know it yet but he's really dressing up and going too xD I told him but I believe he thinks I'm joking... I'm not xD I'm excited though. This time next year I'll be able to go out and get in places I never could beeeeecccccaaaauuuuusssseee I'll be 18 ^_^ Yay ^_^ I actually haven't had this big want to be 18 til recently. Especially for reasons as..... my friends and I need things to do on weekends. I really hate that I'm gonna be the last one to turn 18 -_- And it wouldn't be that big of a deal except that I don't turn 18 til 7 MONTHS after everyone. Angel's bf= October, Angel= December, Averie= Janruary, Me= August. Like WTF =_= Anyways, I'm gonna go to maybe pay attention to class.... ha thats funny. Anyways, yeeeeeeeeeeeeah

~Whitney 

In Class Writing (On Paper) 10/06/14 7:58a.m

Okay so... well... yeah. With Averie now... um... yeah. Just don't question it. Okay I didnt mean to make it sound that bad. Cause it's not a bad thing, it's actually a really good thing. Especially since he's here with me unlike the others. So yeah that's a plus. And I can't see him cheating on me in anyway. Only thing is that he may be a little TOO clingy. Yes, I like clingy. Yes, I like that he looks forward to seeing me. No, I dont like it when he gets in his sad moods just because I'm not staying the night with him. Oh, yeeeeeeah... So I've spent the night a few times. First night was on September 19th and I remember that because (hekissedme) I gave blood that day and I was really sleepy. So yeah. Then I've stayed 2 Thursdays, 1 Friday, and 2 Saturdays. Anyways, so yeah. I think I'll go home Thursday, stay with Angel Friday, take the S.A.T again Saturday, then go home after I'm done. Just so he's not fully clingy. I thought I was gonna smother to death while we were sleeping cause I was purposely pushing myself towards the other wall and even rolled away and he was still pushing against me and laying on my back -.- And I'm just like "ahh I don't want to be touched at the moment ._." Well I didnt really say that but I was thinking it. Oh and at one point I was sleepy and we were laying there and wouldn't stop "kissing" me. And I say "kissing" cause it wasn't kissing, it was just him putting his lips on mine & I wasnt doing it back. Those 2 things are my only....complaints? Is that what it'd be called? Im not sure, oh well. If it gets too bad or continues too much, I'll say something about it. So yeah. I really don't want to hurt him though cause then he'll think he's doing something wrong with us and blah, blah, blah. Ya know.. Geesh. I really don't mean to sound so heartless and cruel. I really do care about him. More than just as a friend. I mean... put it like this... he was my first after my first.....yeah.... ANYWAYS! Oh yeah, him and I started officially going out on October 4th. And we were joking around that it was to celebrate that percussion got 1st on Saturday. Actually, we got 1st overall in our class. Which is great considering we only got a 4th overall last week at Ledford. This was at North Iredel I believe. But yeah... Guard isn't doing so good this year. There's an 8th grader and the other 5 h=only have a year under them .-. So yay... I really hope the 4 will be great their senior year. It's cold outside but I'm getting kinda warm at the moment. Oh I'm in class right now by the way. Like... I've been trying to figure out where I want to go. I have to print my fee waivers for UNCG and Western Carolina. Then I also have to send my new S.A.T scores after I take it Saturday then get my scores back. Oh and I'm sending my transcript to UNCG in the mail today. So the only thing left will be my money and scores. Well... technically they have my 1500 score sooo yeah. I just want to know if I can get in really. I've done the applications for UNCG, Western, Lenoir-Rhyne, and North Carolina Central University (NCCU). So yeah. Averie says he's going to follow me no matter where I go. We may all try to get an apartment together. Me, Averie, Angel, and Gabriel. That would be really cool ^_^ Especially if this goes as far as Averie thinks it is. Okay well I'm gonna go. Write Again Later ^_^

Update with the Details!

Okay... soo.... yeah its been a while! So here is the main topics im gonna talk about:

• Ricky
• Christopher
• Court
• Seniorness

Court:

         Alright.. Geesh I dont think I ever even wrote about why I had court. Sooo.. I got a car. Well.. it started acting weird (something to do with the transmission) and so I was driving my moms car. Well... I drove it to school one day and they had the drug dogs come to school. They got a hit on my moms car and so they had to search it. Welp.. They found marijuana roaches and a beer in her car. Soo... since I was driving the car, they had to charge me with it. Which also means I got suspended from school for a week and that got me soooo behind its not even funny. Like.. I was catching up til the very last day of school. Okay, anyways, so I had court on May 20th, which was 8 days ago. My mom wants to get a lawyer (dont understand why since it was hers and not mine) so she made me continue it til July 8th. Sooo yeah. There's that bit of info for my readers!

Christopher

            Okay(: So this is a happier thing to talk about ^.^ I made a new friend whose name is (obviously) Christopher! He lives/lived in North Carolina and so its not all that far from me. Well the reason for the lives/lived is because since I've known him, hes moved to an academy/school that's in... Kentucky I think. But I wanna talk about him for a few reasons(: He is like.. a new inspiration for me because of all the things hes been through and he still manages to stay so positive about everything. I haven't been through nearly as much and im usually really negative about most of it. I cant hardly ever make something painful be positive. Just.. doesn't really work for me. Another thing.. I've kinda been wanting to get into anime but haven't ever really had a push, until now(: The first one I have watched all the way through is Clannad and its all thanks to Christopher! Clannad is so wonderful!!! I love love love love it!! Ahhh it was a roller coaster of emotions tho, that's for sure! Haha, if you ever watch it.. Christopher is Tomoya and I am Nagisa apparently xD Haha so yeah(: Um.. oh yeah! And another thing that made me want to talk about Christopher. Well we all know how indecisive I am about things and so I still don't know what I want to go into and here I am in my senior year of high school...so what Christopher has said is that.. When he finishes the academy, I can move in with him in his apartment[: And he said his dad will be paying for the bills and everything then I can start helping out with it all once I get a job and so then hopefully it will be near a good college and I can try to figure out what I want to be. So yeah(: Um.. I havent fully decided on if Im moving in with him yet sooo... yeah. Well thats all I really have on Christopher right now. 

Ricky:

          Okay so now to Ricky. Well Idk if I've really talked about him by name a lot but.. Ricky is the guy ive been with.. hint hint.. Sooo yeah. Well we've had some major ups and downs with us. Between him and being together then him being with his gf right after we were together and him cheating (although he denies it) and just a bunch of b.s. Sooo yeah. Well... he was here late that night after I had court and he spent the night and then he went to court with my mom the next day (said he was gonna walk home) but then it was too hot so he decided to come back with her. Well...she left and I was here with him and Kamari (my little cousin) and we all took a nap. Kamari in his moms room and me and Ricky on the couch. I got up and cleaned then later on him and I went to my room and we slept more and watched movies and such and soo yeah. Well later that night/morning we were upstairs watching tv and he was like "if you really wanna try this again then I do too" so... with a lot of thought... I said alright... But now.. Im not so sure I still wanna be with him honestly. Like... it just doesnt seem to be working that much like I need it to. Like.. him communicating and talking to me and seeing me the way he is (or isnt I should say) isnt how I need a relationship. I feel like its just... not working with us in all honesty. Idk.. I'm gonna talk to him about it maybe or just come out and say.. hey this isn't working and im done. I know that sounds mean but if you knew exactly everything he's put me through.. trust me.. you probably wouldnt even be talking to him.. soo.. yeah.. I mean... technically he's my bf but for how much longer, idk.....

Seniorness:

I'M FINALLY A SENIOR!!!!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!! CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!

Haha okay sorry about that xD Umm.. but yeah(: Thats all I really have to say about all that. I just... Idk what else to really say. Im looking for a job so I can get my car fixed and all that and just... ready to move on. Oh wait! Next year I have to college classes at the Early College 1st period. On Mondays and Wednesdays ill have either American History 1 or Introduction to Sociology then on Tuesdays and Thursdays ill have whatever class I dont have on Mondays and Wednesdays. Which meeeeaanns... I wont have a 1st period on Fridays which hopefully means ill get to come in late to school Fridays ^.^ Which is great by me! I'd love not to have be up that early on Friday(: Sooo yeah. Well thats all I really have to say soo... ttyl! :D 

Just some pics

These are all just a bunch of random pics I wanted to post d:

My pre-cal Monster xD

My next tattoo :D

My car .-.

My favorite set of sticks from persuasion :3

Release

It's a release. She swears that's all it is. All it has ever been. Ending things it not her intention. Every line or quick flick of the wrist is just releasing it all from inside her. She paints with silver but it comes out red. Nothing deep, just enough to release it slowly. Not enough to leave behind evidence. How long..? Too long really. 3 years she believes. Maybe this is the 4th year.

2014 SkillsUSA State Conference PIcs

Another Free Writing... Kinda Of

Why is she so incredible and amazingly... stupid. Why hasn't someone came and stopped and told her to just.. put it down. Never answer again... ignore the world as it calls to her. The world just.. it keeps... she falls. Every time. She was stronger this time. She is stronger every time but just being stronger isn't good enough. She has to be STRONG. Not stongER. Or when she gives in she loses all strength and becomes so weak under the touch of this one. This one has power over her she just doesnt understand. She knows it is wrong in so many ways but it... just takes her over. She should have listened to her other, to her mind, but.. she went with her lonely and broken heart that is barely beating... it needs love. It needs affection. It needs to know the one is out there for just her. Her and only her and that the one isn't gonna just leave her like everyone else in her life has. One stays but... he hurts almost just as much. Distance. Painfully Honest. So small in communication. Not being good enough. So many people so much better than her for him. He knows it... He admits he doesnt know why he stays. He should leave. He needs to leave. He wants to leave. She is being selfish by making him stay but.... She shouldnt ever let him go. He doesnt ever need to leave. She needs him more than anything to stay. He is herself. She see's her in him in ways she believes others see herself. So confusing and yet so perfectly clear.

Well...

Um...so... Last time I talked about Anthony....it was about my feelings clearing up. Well the same night I said the L word....Ricky texted me and...things got mumbled up. So nao Anthony and I arnt the same....he doesn't want me to say that I love him anymore. Guess that also means he doesn't feel the same...so...yeah...well...I also decided I'm not doing Marching Band Next Year. I wouldn't be able to handle the Band, Job, College Class, Internship, and Regular Classes. So yeah... I don't want to give it up at all but..I couldn't handle doing it all :/ I hate that but yeah...um..I'm gonna get some sleep cause I have to give blood tomorrow. So yeah...well bye

Well

Well...I'm just sitting in my living room at home. I still don't have a phone d: but I'm using the iPhone to type this up on. Umm....I just had amazingly yummy hot chocolate :3 it was sooo good!(: umm...my feelings for Anthony have gotten more clear, but...idk. I think it's still too early to tell. I'm just gonna let things keep going how they are and if something changes, then so be it I guess. Well...Tuesday we left school at 9:00ish cause of snow and we didn't have it anymore those 3 days...so yeah d: I just rememberd the brochure thing I got in Chemistry right before we left. So yeah d: umm....I don't really have anything to say nao. This semester is going okaii. Except for Pre-Cal d: but that is to be expected d: So yeah...ummm....idk what else to say. I'm really liking Chemistry..Percussion is odd but that's just cause Crotts makes me nervous. Idk why he does, he just does. I guess just cause it's him .-. Um...yeah...so I guess that's really all. I may try to do some free writing later. So Byers to the none who read my words(:

Sorry...

So I know it's been awhile since I wrote but it doesn't matter cause no one reads this anyways d: But as I've said before, I really don't mind that no one does, this is more for me than anyone else(: So yeah...umm....my phone is currently turned off. My mom gave me her iPhone(can't activate it because she found it and the person reported it lost/stolen) but it holds all my songs(yay!) and all the apps I've tried to download so far(: so yeah that makes me happy ^_^ ummm....there's this guy...and...I can't decide yet if my feelings are really..real for him. I know that I like him, but...I'm still honestly kinda questioning anything more. I'm just gonna have to give it some time. Idk if he is someone I wanna end up with...like...marriage and all that d: Guess I'll just find d: Anyways, it's 3:41 and I have school tomorrow so I'll try to write as so as I can...well...as soon as I remember!!(: Byers

~Whitney 

New Years...

Well... Happy New Years everyone. I hope 2014 is a great year for you all.

So far, it's not been any different. I know its only been 2 1/2 hours into it but.. I'm just feeling alone. Really alone. It's been a while since i've cried from just feeling alone. This is yet another year where I sit and watch the ball drop alone. Not even with family. But... I kinda like it that way. Sometimes. And yet I feel like I wouldnt if I actually knew what it was like to watch it with someone I actually cared for. I hate that I pictured this whole future thing with Ricky. Cause I think that really messed with me. What happened is really starting to get to me. The mistakes I made. I was there not once but twice. And even asked for a 3rd time. That was tonight. I didnt want it to go as far as it had the past two times but I guess I just wanted to know that someone was wanting to spend that one night with me...this one special night that only happens once that is celebrated. The first day of an entire year...the start of a new person for a lot of people. I wish I knew what was going to come in this new year. And it doesnt really help that my best friend now has someone that she see's herself being with and it lasting. Like.. marriage lasting. It's crazy. I remember when I thought I had that. Ha! Lies. Not really lies... just thoughts. Misunderstandings. Hurt....pain.... I feel so lost and alone right now. I need something to.... help. Idk what to do. Lost, confused. Ugh... I dont know how to say whats going through my mind. Just... pain..hurt...alone...confused. I need someone. Its not even someone to talk to. Its honestly just a hug. A lasting hug. Being held. That's all I need... to know someone out there really cares about what happens to me and what I actually do and how I actually feel. I wish someone would be able to tell what Im really feeling and me not have to tell them. To know when to try to make me laugh or when to just hold me. Anyways... I dont see it happening anytime soon. So idk what im gonna do about Prom cause I have to go now that I convinced Angel's bf to go. So yeah... I guess that's all. I may do a free writing thing.. idk yet. Ill decide in a bit. But like I said, Happy New Year Everyone. Hope you have the best year.