Somethings wrong...

I don't know what to feel like.... I need somewhere to vent but I have nothing. I don't have my journal anymore, I gave it away.. I need something. I cant hold all of this in. Maybe I just need to cry myself to sleep again. Might help... until I wake up....then what? If I keep going to school, I think I'll fail. I just don't feel like trying anymore. If I don't go, I still fail. If I drop out next year, society see's me as a failure anyways. Society... there's so many things wrong with it. I feel like I need someone..but.. I don't know. Somethings I don't even want to tell myself. I don't know what those things are but.. I just know there is. Sometimes I wish I could close my eyes and have a totally different life. But.. then I wonder what about the people I've met.. what if I didn't meet them. But there's really only person I'm not worried if I met now or not...cause I know I would have met him sometime in my life anyways....We were meant to meet, to be together..... I feel alone now though. If I was in a room of a million people Id feel so alone. No one gets how I truly think about things...how I feel about things. And the one person who might have a chance of truly understanding me.. isn't here. Recently, I feel like he doesn't even exists.. he's "there" when I need him.. hes not here.... and I need him. Right now. To cry on his shoulder... to know Im not as alone as I really feel right now. Its so pointless in telling him because...its not gonna change anything. He's still gonna be there..... with his #2..... So why should I tell him anymore how much I need him. Why should I tell him anymore how much I love him... It doesnt change anything... I feel like it doesnt matter all that much to him whether he hears those things from me or not... Whether he hears from me at all..... if he doesnt talk to me in a day..a week...a month...any at all... it doesnt matter to him. Yeah he says it does..but I just dont think I believe it much anymore. I still love him more than anything... id still die for him...the only person/people Id put before him would be my children..our children. But in a way i would still be him...little him's.. I still believe we will be together.. Thats what keeps me through times like this. When I feel this alone. When I need someone to just...be here. For someone to just let me know they are not gonna leave my side. But I cant have that now can I? When I need it the most... Why should I get something like that? Something that special.....why should a very non-special person (me) get that? Im crazy for thinking something like that. Somethings wrong..... with me. 

~Whitney~

Agreed..

Bored..

Well I just finished a super easy take home civics test. And yeah...well nothing else to write...sooo yeahh Bye!!

Sergio..

Me llamo Whitney(:

¡Buenas Noches! Estoy enamorada contigo Sergio<3 Te extraño mucho. Hoy es el veintitres de octubre. Hoy es martes.

Well anyways..I wrote in Spanish :O Im so proud of myself(: Well tomorrow I have to take a 4 hour PLAN test...great.. :( I will prolly fall asleep like a normally do during the reading part of it. Its like I cant ever stay awake no matter how much sleep I get. Bleh d: I hope I get to talk to mi amor tonight. I miss him so much. Im thirsty. I also think I have a Spanish exam Thursday..and a math test tomorrow -_- Gah.. I dont really like school anymore. I wanna be a bar tender  and for that you only have to go to a 2 week class and ta da! Your a qualified bar tender...I think it would be fun(: Hmm..maybe eventually I could get all fancyful with throwing the bottles around and all that..well anyways..Im not sure about my future education..I dont know what I want anymore...well i take that back. There are a few things I know I want. I know I want to be with the love of my life, get married, have kids, and be succesful with a fun filled life :D Im sleepy...and hungry...and thirsty...im just full of problems today arn't I...bleh...well I have Algebra 2 homework..bleh d: Well im gonna go now so write later.. Byers!

Sergio...

Baby just know I need you so badly right now, more than I think you will ever get...

Alohi!

Well sorry I havent posted in a long time..um...nothing really all that new... umm.....yeahh....I dont have school friday..umm...and i get out early next Thursday. Annnd yeahh....Well this pic that I posted is how I feel about Sergio..I Love You Baby<3